Journal Entry 1: From the perspective of the worst member of a sports team

Dear Journal,

I’ve never been this frustrated before. I've always loved soccer. I use to be really good at it too. I should be good, I’ve played since I was five. I know our school has over a thousand kids in it, but I should be on the team. Being a senior, I should be the best one on the team. I was wrong, very wrong. I was lucky to be on Varsity.

What’s the point of playing if you’re the worst one on the team? Everyone keeps criticizing me and talking about me behind my back. It’s so annoying. Every time I leave the locker room I hear my teammates say, “Wow, she’s been playing since she was five. I feel so bad for her; she hasn’t gotten any better since then.” Why do some people think its okay to talk about other people behind their backs? Girls can be so mean. They should be supportive of me and encourage me to work harder. If they notice I kick the ball wrong, they should tell me. Then, I can fix it. I feel like they gave up on me, and I’m starting to give up on myself.

I never get to play in the games. Yes, I accidently scored a goal for the other team. That was one time. I promised that would never happen again. Anyways, we still won the game. I get nervous when I play because I don't want to make that mistake again. I’m so sick of sitting on the bench. I can’t take much more of it. Even worse, it’s getting really cold out. The bench feels like ice and there are only so many sweatshirts you can wear before you look ridiculous.

It’s not like I’m not trying. I need to work twice as hard as the other girls in order to prove myself to them. Our team has practiced six days a week since August. I haven’t missed a single practice, except for one because I had to go to the doctors.

Soccer takes up so much time. What about my friends? What about my family? What about school? I don’t think I’ve seen my friends, Brianna and Amanda, in 8 weeks. We used to spend so much time together, but now I have no time for them. I thought playing soccer would allow me to make more friends, but instead I lost the ones I already had. Not only have I been neglecting my friends and family, but I’m starting to neglect my school work. This isn’t like me. I have to get a good education if i want to be successful. Unfortunately, I don’t get home until late and by the time I start doing my homework, I’m exhausted.

I think I should quit. I know everyone can’t be the best, but I hate being the worst. I’m sick and tired of people disrespecting and insulting me. Soccer should be fun, not stressful. I understand the coaches want to win, I want to win too. However, I think when we’re up 7-0, I should be given a chance to play. Maybe things will get better. They can’t get much worse from here.

Good Luck,
XOXOXOX
YTalulah