Journal Entry 2: From the perspective of a girl with anorexia

Dear Diary,

I’m so hungry! I need to eat more, but I can’t. Food is disgusting. I’ll look obese if I eat any more than I already do.

Today was a typical day, nothing out of the ordinary. I woke up, got dressed, looked in the mirror, and cried. Why can’t I be happy with who I am? My mother and sisters are thin, attractive, and confident. Why not me? After I put on my baggy jeans and sweatshirt, I ran down the stairs and out the door as fast as I could. I did not want to be tempted by the smell of cinnamon rolls baking in the oven.

School was the same as always. The popular kid’s would giggle and stare at me. Everything got better when I saw my friends though. They always gave me a warm greeting, “Oh my goodness, Meghan, you look way too skinny in those jeans.” They are always criticizing their own bodies. It feels nice when they give me a compliment.

I could barely stay awake through AP History. My eyes struggled to stay open. Right before lunch we had a Pre-Calculus test. I don’t think I did well on it. All I could focus on were the weird noises my stomach was making. I was distracting everyone in the class too. It would be silent and then it would happen. The whole class would look at me and laugh. It shouldn’t have been a problem though. Sarah kept on coughing and no one stared at her.

Lunch time. The most dreaded part of the day. Like most days, I told my friends I wanted to get my homework done in the library. They always believed me. I shouldn’t have lied to them, but I don’t want them to think I have an eating disorder.

I was always the fastest member of the cross country team. Not anymore. Now, I can barely keep up. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I am tired, weak, lazy, and of course, hungry, all the time. I have the energy and strength of a ninety-nine year old man. This shouldn’t be happening.

I always look forward to going home after long days. I’m usually too upset to eat though. Every day, I hear people saying, “She’s lost way too much weight. She used to be cute, but not anymore.” This made me so mad, especially because my freshman year people would always say, “She’s not ugly, but she would be prettier if she lost ten pounds.” I thought maybe if I lost twenty pounds people would like me even more. I guess not.

Celebrities are praised because of the way they look. Models are definitely skinnier than I am. Every girl in a magazine is thin and gorgeous. Why can’t I look like them? One day I will.

I hate it when people stare at me like I’m from another planet. I don’t like the word anorexic either; it makes it sound like anorexia is a terrible disease. I’m not sure if my family and friends know yet. It’s been two years. I should probably get help… but not yet.

Love,
Meghan =)